

Raging a War Against MyselfHe and I had an argument the other day. It was over literally nothing, but it made me realize something incredibly valuable that had never occurred to me before. In every stage of our relationship, from the first day we met to today, I've always cared far more about him than he's cared for me. While we're together, if I think for even a moment that what I'm saying to him might hurt him, even if I'm standing up for myself, I feel guilty and ashamed. He, on the other hand, is not quite as damaged by his own hateful words. When I let him know that he has said something out of line, he expresRaging a War Against Myself


Why I Am HereI feel like screaming. My heart is writhing, receding further back inside my chest. I find myself lying in bed, unable to sleep, think, or act. My eyes stare blankly at a computer screen, not wanting to sign on and voice my pain because that would make it real. I was hungry last night, but too nauseous and sick too even dare try and eat something. Well, I dared, but I almost wretched at the sight of my kitchen. Instead, I exercised, did some cardio, and realized just how out of shape I am. I was supposed to do two sets of four exercises. Instead I did oneWhy I Am Here